Wedding Tips: When To Do Your First Dance

Photo by Marla Christina

Like many wedding traditions there are multiple opinions and variations on when to do your first dance. In my post called The Great Cake Debate - Two Schools of Thought I weigh in on the two most popular times to cut the wedding cake. Just like the ceremonious cake cutting there are really two key moments at your reception for your special first dance.

In California weddings it seems to be most popular to save the first dance until after the meal. Food comes first and latter half of the reception is all dancing.  I see this order to be the preferred choice with most of my clients.

On the other hand some couples prefer to be introduced into the reception and straight onto the dance floor for their first dance. This style of introduction is especially popular on the East Coast. It was explained to me by a client who has attended many East Coast weddings that they often serve long sit down meals with many courses. To keep the guests entertained during these long meals dancing in between courses is encouraged. Since etiquette dictates that the bride and groom be the first to dance at their wedding the first dance following the grand introduction means the dance floor can then open to all of the guests.

So what are the differences between doing your first dance upon entrance versus after dinner?

My preference is to wait until after dinner to do the first dance and then begin the open dancing.
As a Master of Ceremonies I am always looking for key points and markers to make a reception flow smoothly. The first dance is a great transition from the dining segment of the party into the dancing time. It gives me the opportunity to get everyone's attention and focus it on the dance floor. The first dance is festive and helps shift the mood from fairly low energy into a higher gear. Most of all it says to the guests that now it is time for them to leave their seats and celebrate with dance.

I do like the energy that a first dance has following a grand introduction. The bigger the introduction the more you also need something big to follow it. If my couple is not dancing upon entering, then I always head directly into a best man's toast or father of the bride's welcome speech to continue the momentum created by a grand introduction.

The only caveat with having the first dance early on is that you take away that marker to segue from dinner to dancing. The best solution is to then use the Father/Bride or Mother/Groom dance to signal the beginning of your dancing time. These parents dances or a bridal party dance will draw attention to dancing and help get your party going.

One misconception is that having your first dance early will mean the guests will start dancing sooner as in the East Coast example. I find that once people sit down to eat they generally want to finish their meal first. At that point they expect to hear background music during dinner and not high volume dance music.

Whether your first dance upon entering or wait until dinner is over it is most important that you have entertainment that is sensitive to your audience and follows their energy. Weddings are dynamic and they should move from lower on the energy curve to higher towards the end so your exit will be as grand as your entrance.

My next tip will be all about your last dance.

Cheers!

Wedding Tips: Is Your DJ Prepared To Handle Unforeseen Emergencies?

Everyone knows the age old motto of the Boy Scouts of America: Be Prepared. Buy how many of us really are? More importantly on your wedding day is your DJ prepared? I have long carried an emergency kit in my DJ console. Redundancy and back up equipment is great for any of your own emergencies but what about the other vendors? If you are truly part of the team, then you should be able to come to the team's rescue if necessary. Many items that can solve big problems are really just small things. This photo is an example of backup audio connectors I bring to every event just in case your videographer needs a connection to record audio from my system or you discover the need for an adapter/cable for a surprise A/V presentation you've planned for your guests.

My "Just In Case" case has a wide variety of connectors and adapters.

Do I ever need my backup kit? Yes. For example, I once came to the rescue of a wedding photographer. We were working at a wedding reception at Ralston Hall Mansion and she was having problems with her slave flash. The slave is a remote flash that fires simultaneously with the on camera flash to fill and bounce extra light. Her slave was not firing regularly so she figured it was low on battery power. When she discovered that she had no more 9 volt batteries in her case she became concerned. She asked me if there was any chance I had a 9 volt and I said no problem. I carry plenty of extra 9 volt and AA batteries with me because I use them in my wireless mic systems. She was thrilled to have a fresh replacement but soon realized that the new battery was not solving the problem. Some quick troubleshooting on my part revealed that one of the two contacts that lead from the electronics to the snap on connector had weakened.

Standard 9 volt battery snap connector

The photo above is a replacement connector which is a common fix on any device powered by 9 volts because the wires are so tiny that they can fail with even the normal pressure exerted during battery replacement.

I also carry a small soldering iron and solder for just these kinds of problems. It took me no time to repair the solder connection on the contact and have her slave back working like new. The photographer was blown away by this unexpected on-site repair service. I was happy to be able to help. The client was never aware that there had been a problem and her photos came out great.

My soldering iron, solder and a smiliar connector that crippled her slave unit.

Sometimes you just never know what kind of connectors will be required to tap into a house sound system or feed an audio signal to the videographer. Sometimes you might get lucky if an open Radio Shack store is just around the corner from your event but why count on it? Other times you are on a bay cruise ship with no other options other than what you've brought on board yourself.

Here's a list of just a few things I bring along and never leave home without them.
1. Tape (Gaffers, Adhesive, Masking, Electrical)

2. Safety Pins of all sizes (saving many a dancing bridesmaids' dresses in distress)

3. Zip ties in a multitude of sizes

4. Batteries (9V, AA, AAA)

5. iPhone Charging Cable

6. Advil, Tylenol, Aspirin

7. Tool Kit (From tiny tweezers to lug wrenches)

8. First Aid Kit

9. Assorted Audio Video Connecting Cables and Adapters for many possible configurations.

10. Extension cords, Flashlights, Jumper Cables

Are you planning a slide shows or video presentations at your wedding reception? The absolute best sound you are going to get is through your DJ or band's system.  Discuss this presentation with them in advance of your reception. You should get their approval to plug into their system and make sure they have a spare line level input to make this audio playback possible in addition to all of the right connectors and cables. Another a good idea to assign one of your guests who you can trust to be in charge of the entire audio visual presentation. This person working with your DJ should have knowledge of the computer, application, projector and screen to insure your presentation is the best that it can be.

Even in this high tech world sometimes plain old hustle and low tech solutions do the trick like having the right tools to perform a simple soldering repair. Such was also the case in another recent one of my posts called Above and Beyond: Wedding DJ Customer Service. That story told of my diligence in finding an obscure song on a vinyl record for a special client request.

My #1 Tip For Wedding Couples – Don't Leave Your Reception

When you have been the DJ and MC at as many weddings as I have prospective clients are quick to ask questions and eager for advice. For the sake of time they often ask me what is the single most important advice I can give newlyweds-to-be for their big day.  I never hesitate or have to think about the answer. I say it is simply to not leave your reception.  My advice often generates looks of bewilderment. Why would any bride and groom leave their reception? I see it all the time and when it happens your party can stall. After all, you are the one common denominator to every guest there. You are the reason for the event and often the catalyst that precipitates the energy.

So let's take a look at a few of the reasons why brides and grooms would leave their own party.

1. Photography. You notice I did not say "photographer" because my intention is not to blame any one vendor. If you give your photographer an unreasonably long list of shots to get, you really can't blame the shooter for the excessive amount of time it takes. Sometimes a venue's interior is not that conducive to great pictures so you head to a patio, garden or other area away from the guests. At coastal weddings the temptation is for sunset shots on the beach. The value of these photo opportunities are obvious when accomplished quickly but if too much time passes, you will be missed and your party can suffer. The key to leaving your reception for photos is good communication between you, your photographer and the other on-site vendors.

2. Hair and Make-up. Slipping into the ladies room is common for all of the obvious reasons and not normally an issue if done quickly. However, when you go to freshen up it can create an impromptu "Meeting in the Ladies Room" as the classic 80's party song goes. Without someone paying attention to the time it can mean you vanish for a half hour or more. I always suggest you take one of your bridesmaids or maid of honor along who can watch the clock to avoid getting sidetracked or distracted.

3. Cigar Party. A popular ritual is the cigar party on the porch where the groom and his buddies congregate to light up for some male bonding. Although I completely understand this gathering from a social standpoint it can have the same impact on the event as the girls in the powder room. You are one-half of the most important couple at the wedding and it subtracts you from the party.

4. Facility Floor Plans. So often it is just the lack of proximity to the majority of the guests that means you have become disconnected from the event. One of my clients sat all of their college friends at a few tables in a section of a garden court separated from the others by hedges. Greeting their friends turned into almost another side party and I had to go find them. Large mansions with multiple rooms can also create the same affect which means your efforts to keep circulating become more important. Just the simple logistics of inside and outside seating can give the impression you are gone by creating isolation between you and some of your guests.

5. Changing Clothes. One tradition I rarely see today is the going away outfit or at least the couple changing out of their bridal attire before the reception ends. If changing is necessary because you are heading directly to the honeymoon after the party, I suggest you take turns so both of you are not away at the same time.  Many Asian brides have both a contemporary gown and a traditional one. Having at least one bridesmaid or attendant helping her really helps expedite these changes.

My concern about your absence during the reception is also because of spontaneous events. As much as you plan there are still moments that happen on their own. For instance it is very common for a guest to approach me who wants to do an impromptu toast that is not in my notes or on the schedule. I need your presence and perhaps approval to facilitate this request. Group photos that include you or a surprise presentation are also very popular. If I'm aware that you have stepped away, I can much better react to these events and handle them accordingly. It is most important to alert your DJ/MC, on-site coordinator or wedding planner whenever you leave so we the ones in the best position to keep momentum going, the party flowing and make your absence less apparent.

Remember that you are the reason why everyone is gathering to celebrate your wedding. Both your presence and absence are strongly felt. For the sake of a great party make your presence the rule and any absence the exception for as short of time as possible.

The Great Cake Debate - Two Schools of Thought

Photo by Joe Homsy at the Saratoga County Club wedding of Chris and Mo in 2010.

When to cut the cake? No doubt it is an ongoing discussion in wedding circles. A popular DJ in our area, Ron Grandia, makes a great case for cutting the wedding cake right after the meal in his blog post called The Great Cake Debate. I make no effort to refute Ron's points. However, I think there are two schools of thought on this topic and I normally come from the other one.

Here are some of the advantages I see in cutting the wedding cake after a short set of dance music.

1. It gets the guests right out of their seats. Often weddings can drag a bit from the guests' perspective with ceremony, photos, cocktails, dinner and toasts because for the most part these are passive activities they observe. Food and alcohol coma can set in and energy is lost when the guests sit too long. Background music can only be so peppy and if they don't get up and moving, they can fade.

2. Saving the cake for just a little while will give you (the hosts and entertainers) one more "bone" to toss the guests. It becomes the surprise sweet treat they have been eyeballing so the prolonged tease can even increases the anticipation and temptation.

3. As a music programmer I always use the cake break as a logical and smooth transition between styles. I take no breaks myself when I do a wedding so I am always looking for the most subtle way to move from genre to genre. So the cake break can be a great way to stop the dance music and start it again in a completely different style without causing culture shock. If older guests are likely to leave early, then my intention is to satisfy them with this pre-cake cutting dancing. They are then able to dance, enjoy the cake and leave without feeling like they missed anything.

4. If the couple chooses to toss a garter and bouquet, there is no better time than immediately following their ceremonious cake cutting. While the staff is serving the cake the garter/bouquet tosses can be easily made without any interruption of the energy because it's down time. It is also the easiest time to keep the audience's attention because as an MC you already have it. Alternatively you must find a time to stop for the tosses later during your dance sets which can often kill the dancing energy. Finally, you still have the maximum number of guests there to participate in the tossing ceremony because most wedding guests will stay at least until the cake is cut.

5. And there are exceptions to every one of my rules. If for any reason the reception is running way behind schedule, I will default to a cake cutting right after the meal. I really don't want any guest to miss out on cake and there are always a few guests (as Ron accurately points out) that are not going to stay to the end of the reception. When we are grossly behind schedule I completely agree with cutting and serving cake immediately after the meal.

Most will agree that the cake cutting ceremony is a turning point at a wedding reception. I am certainly not arguing that it should be in the final hour of a reception but just after a short and energetic dance set. Normally, I allow this set to go on about thirty minutes in order to let everyone know that dancing is definitely on tap for the remainder of the reception.

Finally, I believe that your DJ is the person who ultimately should decide when that perfect moment is to stop for the cake cutting. It is a matter of energy, timing and flow. No one else at the event is in a better position to determine that moment. Your DJ should always give the other vendors a good heads up when that moment is approaching so they are ready for it. I've heard many stories about photographers missing a cake cutting because an amateur DJ made the cake announcement while they were outside taking a photo of the grandparents. I find that most planners, coordinators and catering staff normally concur on this timing give or take a few minutes.

So what's the best time to cut your cake? It is really the vibe of your event and not the exact time on the clock that makes the biggest difference. Trust the person in charge of the energy level at your reception.